Conflicted on Commitments

A favorite of the children right now is to play on the dirt hills
left by materials for construction in our neighborhood.

Even in a country where there is a slower pace of life, I’m learning about the tough balance between personal and communal time. We notice in verse Mark 1:35-38 that Jesus goes off to be alone. But even in his alone time people seek him out. Jesus doesn’t just turn them away, saying, “I am spending time with my Father now.” Jesus is ready to give of himself and go out to the people when they come in need of him. This shows a good perspective and balance I wish I had in my life.

I’m seeing a lot of advice to “take time for yourself; just say no to another commitment; this is a stage of life, so make sure you focus only on your family; tell people that this is your Sabbath, do not be in contact.” I feel like it goes as far as, “my children need to learn what their boundaries are with me as a mom.” i.e. You can need me as a mom between these hours, but these hours are off limits. It reinforces the attitude that “this is my time and my space, if I don’t have this time I can’t be an effective Mom.” I resonate with this way of thinking, but partly because it justifies my innate selfishness for ‘me’ time or ‘family’ time and just not to be bothered with the troubles of the world – or at times even my family.

On the other hand, I am feeling strongly called to visit my neighbors regularly. I do not enjoy this visiting. I am an outsider. I don’t understand everything that goes on. Sometimes I am on display while visiting. The courtyards I visit are dirty with many animals and children with lice and who knows what on their hands are cuddling and touching me everywhere. In many ways, it is uncomfortable. But I am feeling called to go deeper in “Casa” and we all know language takes a lot of time, so this is where I have to go. If I just said that I have to focus on my family or my time, this vision for being something positive in a difficult place and learning “Casa” would fall apart.

As with most families, my family demands are stretching me as far as I can go in this foreign and uncomfortable land. I never feel like there is enough of me. It is easy to wave community off and say, my family needs me, I will take time for community later in life when I don’t have children in the home. This feels so comfortable to me, but I see two problems with it. One, I am being only inward focused which is a bad example for my children. Two, I am not following the example of Jesus in being a willing go where the Spirit leads.

This reminds me of a story, an example from my father and mother. This was before my time! My family was celebrating my brother’s first birthday. My father got a call that one of the parishioners was in a very serious accident and may not live. He immediately left his sons first birthday party and went to spent overnight with the family at the hospital. I never heard either of my parents say, “We can’t even celebrate our child’s first birthday without an interruption.” There wasn’t less busyness in my parents’ lives than I have today. They know how to work and have always juggled many ‘balls’. They were committed to each other, to the family, but also to the community. They had an idea of how to find this balance that Jesus has in his life. The balance did not include not being available to the community when someone was in need.

-- La Maestra