Surprising Difficulties in the US

This ends up be our new understanding of 'cozy' home.

It sounds so strange, I love coming to visit family in the US and to have cooler weather to get rid of our heat rash. But before long I start feeling very unsettled in the US. As we travel around we see homes, cars, campers, boats and people in a routine, suddenly I feel very unsettled. I realize that we own none of these things, but the strange thing is it makes me feel like I don't have a space in this world.

 
I spend too much time thinking and trying to figure out, where will we be in a few years? What type of job will we settle into? Where will we live? Where will our children go to school? Will there be any diversity? Will we be able to buy a van to fit our family? Will my dream type of house / land be available or a possibility? Any break I have from caring for children I find myself praying or contemplating these things.

Of course we have a couple homes. We feel very comfortable at both grandparents home as well as our home in the Sahel. But there is a part of us that I don't think has ever completely settled in the Sahel. We had so many water issues at the beginning that we got into a habit of not using our showers (as there wasn't enough pressure to reach the top and the water is not heated - which even in the heat deters me from wanting to shower!). From that situation, I often feel like living in the Sahel is a 10 month long mission trip and I just can't wait to get 'home' and take a shower! On the other hand, we have routines and things that feel very comfortable in the Sahel. For example wearing pants and socks in our cooler season feels so cozy. And as our main form of entertainment, weekly movies are something to really look forward to watching!

Maybe it comes down to enjoying both places while I am there.  When I am in the Sahel, I often think of living there for a long time.  When I am in the States, I seem to want to plan our return to the US.  But as I plan something so far in the future that I have no control over, that seems to leave me unsettled while visiting the US.