Difficult Lives of Women

A marriage seminar at our church one night.  Interestingly the women
and men still sat separately, although we heard from both husband
and wife presenters.

As I head to a women's conference this weekend, I'm reminded it can be very hard to be a woman here. There is not much freedom. We have talked a little about our first guard's wife and how difficult it would be for her as a widow with no male to represent her. Fortunately we helped her and she had an uncle that took her in.

Another story is a spousal dispute that just recently happened to a family we know. She wanted money to buy a new 'bucket' for washing her clothing. Her husband refused to give her any money for this. So she continues to wash in this bucket that is literally falling apart.

She also asked her husband for money to go to the women's conference. Again, he refused to give her anything. So she has an uncle in town and was getting ready to go visit her uncle to ask him for money. Her husband refused to let her go talk to the uncle and he hit her. This couple is Christian, so there were pastors, friends and the women's group leader who stepped in to help resolve the issue.

Another example is from another organization's Bible School. An international teacher was talking about disciplining of children and the family in class. A new student asked a situational question. "What if you have been out working all day and when you come home your wife has food on the table, but she forgot to get you a cup of water. Should you discipline her?" The teacher responded by asking if he'd ever thought of getting his wife a cup of water after she's done so much work cooking, and then going through the biblical idea of mutually serving each other. The teacher observed that the younger generation tends to receive this marriage "counseling" pretty openly.

We have now lived with three different Nigerian families. These disputes are common enough and the woman really has no power or leverage. The community seems to get involved to help resolve the issues, although I don't know as much outside a Christian community. From what I have seen the pressure to have a man and woman in the home is great because men won't cook and most women have no way to make an income. So the couples we have seen (all in monogamous relationships) have gotten back together after splitting. But for those who have more than one wife, it would be much easier to drop a wife. When El Padre is asked about a second wife he always responds, "I have no problems with my one wife, but you always have problems two wives don't you?" The answer is always 'yes!'

-- La Maestra